Only if it doesn’t have milk in it.

As parents we go through a lot of sleepless nights trying to teach our children everything they need to learn. And every parent faces it’s own unique challenges, be it overcoming the influence of the kids in the only neighborhood you can afford to live in, or teaching kindness in a world that seems to reject or contradict it. For us, one of the challenges is food allergies.

This became an even bigger challenge when my second son was born five months ago. As of yet, he shows no signs of food allergies and I find myself wondering what this is going to be like as he gets older. Having one child who can barely eat in public and one who can eat everything is going to be a culture shock for me.

I am also experiencing my first year of public school with Damian. You probably already know how scary that can be for a parent with a food allergic child. And while we all tend to deny it when we are called on it, sometimes we over-parent. I know, because I catch myself doing this too often. Though I am in the same room with Damian, I rarely allow him to answer questions or show responsibility in regards to his dairy allergy. What I mean is, when Damian is asked if he wants a cookie, I answer no without stopping to see what his response will be.

Easter afternoon, Damian, after an egg hunt, was asked by his five year old friend, if he wanted a piece of cake. For whatever reason I hesitated and Damian was able to respond on his own. I was so proud of him when he responded with “I don’t know. Does it have milk in it?” The little girl responded saying she didn’t know, followed by “Let’s find out”. Curious now, I followed them both quietly inside and watched as they proceeded to ask an adult to read the label on the cake to them.

Pride was naturally the domineering emotion in this situation, but still guilt tugged at me. How long did I plan on following my son around relentlessly, answering questions like that for him? I don’t know exactly but six short years wasn’t it! In fact, looking at it now, I might have gone down in history as the most embarrassing mom ever, had I not bore witness to Damian’s display of allergy awareness.

Now I know that there will always be a tinge of fear as Damian grows and becomes less dependent on me. But I hope I will always remember the day my six year tried to read a label for the first time, and be able to trust his judgment.

My Dairy Free Cake!

I made my very first ever, totally from scratch, dairy free cake with dairy free icing! As you can see the cupcakes were pretty flat and they aren’t the most decorative cupcakes but I think I did pretty good for a first timer.

I used the butter cream icing recipe from AllergyMom and a 2 bowl cake from some website. I did alter both recipes slightly because I didn’t have vanilla soy milk for the icing, and I added more cocoa to the cake. For the most part it came out really good! Or so says my husband, who ate two of the cupcakes! Damian has ended up being sick again so he isn’t in the mood to eat cupcakes. Anyway I just wanted to share! Will keep ya posted!

Food Allergies & Behavioral Problems

My son is a wonderful child. He is sweet, playful and affectionate. But if you give him dairy, he is a nightmare that hell itself could not compete with. His allergist says it is part of his allergic reaction. His doctor says behavioral issues are not related to allergies. His daddy says I am giving him an excuse to misbehave.

For every person who believes that allergies contribute to behavioral issues, there are at least two people who do not. Ironically, these very people get irritated when they don’t feel good, yet find it impossible that a child would act up in the same situation. I have met people who have food allergies who will tsk at me when I say behavioral problems is a very large portion of my sons reaction. Apparently, if they haven’t experienced it, it simply cannot be true.

Many parents of food allergic children can relate to the feelings this invokes in us. Guilt because we are so frustrated with our child for acting up. Anger because these people aren’t trying to understand and don’t have to deal with this. Embarrassment for some of us because our child is literally climbing the walls. Some of us even experience fear when our child has become dangerous to himself because he is so out of control. And as we are frantically trying to keep things under control, people are just standing by, whispering about discipline.

I am more in control of Damian’s allergy now, so “mistakes” are less common. Just the same, I have been there and I know how hard it is. I’ve learned to respond to nosy people without pummeling them with my shopping cart. I no longer try to explain that he had dairy, or whatever. I simply say “Boys will be boys” and smile. And it is the truth. There are times now when I wish I could blame my five year olds behavior on his food allergy!

Birthday Complications

The rapid approach of Damian’s sixth birthday is bringing trepidation, complications, and plenty of children with no food allergies. Now that Damian is in school, he naturally wants every child in his class to come to his party. This raises numerous issues for me.

First of all, our house isn’t that big. This means that I will have to choose a fun place other than my house. The leaders in birthday parties would be McDonald’s or ChuckE Cheese, but the places are a disaster waiting to happen for Damian. Kangaroo Jacks is wonderful and so is Jumpin’ Monkey but they both cost a fortune for a maximum of 2 hours. That isn’t including allergy friendly food either! So, my options are very limited. Perhaps a park? As long as it isn’t cold, but still we run the risk of weather changes causing chaos. Not to mention the fact that I am anaphalactic to bees. I have the pen but if I get stung, the party is over. I live in Virginia so the bees are out in March as long as the weather is nice.

Then there is the issue of food. Of course I always make the cake from scratch. However, because his cake contains a lot of substitute ingredients, should I check with other parents first? I mean, what if their child is sensitive to soy, or eggs? I would never even consider these things if I didn’t have a food allergic child. His ice-cream is expensive. Do I buy a bunch of it and offer everyone, or do I make it a bring your own ice-cream? Would it be horrible to not offer ice-cream at all? Snacks are easy. Just throw some dairy free chips, pretzels, and popcorn together in a bowl. The kids love it!

I know I will figure it out. Damian will have a wonderful birthday despite his food allergies. I will be a nervous wreck trying to prepare for it, but that’s becoming a given. But this is what I have to go through because my child has food allergies. All this planning, and I can almost guarantee that somehow, I will end up catching a would be dairy disaster anyway. Aww Geez, I am getting a headache just thinking about it.